Happy song

(Aug 2007)

Your craziness is attributed to your youth
I’ve got a few more years on you and I’m forced to try and be uncouth.
Our alliance is forged by quick thoughts and even quicker words so strong.
You are not made aware of how you help me to hold on.

Your laughter is infectious
And your personality contagious
You cheer my melancholy
Your presence is is enough to bring the madness out of me

Chasing dreams
Facing the unseen
Dreaming our lives away
But we will have eachother
Making funfilled memories
Full of laughter and idiocy
All Friendships should be this way
Cos we’re good for one another

You live your life the way you want
Inconsequential
I wish i had your confidence to be so goddam special
Random thoughts and theories shared only by us
Stream of conscious talking, unflitered by trust

Try

(December 2007) 

You force your head to tell you lies

That what you feel will make you cry.

But what if it sets you free?

Cos that’s what you mean to me.

But I won’t speak a word of this.

So I sit alone…

I’m sick of the burden of my own cross.

We run when we stay, cos we can’t stand the loss.

When all I want is to wrap my arms around

To feel your breath and fill my ears with your sound.

But I won’t speak a word of this.

So I sit alone….

It aches to stay away from you.

You know you want me there with you too.

If there’s no love to hide,

We shouldn’t have to try.

Cynicism

(18/09/2007) 

 

cynic is as cynic does

never holding on just pushing off

you say you’re sick of hurting me

yet your medicine is repeating

 

I’m more than just some animal

I’m so much less than mechanical

Pushing my buttons methodically

Yet you do it so very eloquently

 

My heart is bleeding into my mind

It clouds my judgement as you tow the line

The one you draw to divide us again and again

We never seem to ask ourselves why? or when?

 

Cynic is as cynic does

Because i’m sick of all this hoping

Eradicated by your confused heart

My light, it never reached there

 

I’m more than just some animal

I’m so much less than mechanical

Pushing my buttons methodically

Yet you do it so very eloquently

 

My heart is bleeding into my mind

It clouds my judgement as you tow the line

The one you draw to divide us again and again

We never seem to ask ourselves why? or when?

 

Am I being too harsh?

I really don’t think so

Am I being too harsh?

I really hate to do this though

Am I being too harsh?

I really don’t think so

Am I being too harsh?

There’s a lot I need to know….

 

My heart is bleeding into my mind

It clouds my judgement as you tow the line

The one you draw to divide us again and again

We never seem to ask ourselves why? or when?

BLUE EYES (CIAN’S SONG)

(September 2006)

 

Blue eyes smile, innocence gained

You’ll grow up and I hope won’t feel no pain

You’ll love and lose and live and learn

In hope you’ll choose what way to turn

 

 

In your eyes I see forever dear

You’ll want and wish for someone dear

You’ll get what you deserve

In love I hope that this you’ll learn

 

 

You grow up learning you can’t go wrong

Your parents won’t ever show you harm

I hope you won’t ever regret today

 

 

In your eyes I see forever dear

You’ll want and wish for someone dear

You’ll get what you deserve

In love I hope that this you’ll learn

 

 

Now I know at times it will be hard

To find your way through and hold your heart

But never forget what’s inside you

Blue eyes will forever shine through

IRONY COAST (TANGLED)

(August 2006)

 

Fall between lost and found

Feeling like I’m wide awake but no sound

I have everything one step out of reach

I keep walking towards your beach

The coast is jagged but I’m not scared to fall

The rocks that hit hurt as I call

To your world I trip as I run

But “Hey!” you say “It’s all just some fun.”

 

 

I cannot go through this again

But yet I know I relish the pain

Too scared to change, the past being undone

I find myself again, and again I run

 

 

Tangled webs and lies

Result in the undefined

Can you hear me scream

As I silently read your eyes

Tangled lines are drawn

That we cross all the time

I can hear your quick breath

As you sigh “one last time”

 

 

Lonely nights are the worst

Knowing my love for you is cursed

By myself, by you, by everyone it seems

No place to go except in my dreams

Worlds full of waterfalls and rainbows, just us

As you allow me, as you come over and over

Then I wake and smile at your beauty

Though your eyes are wide you never see me

SECRET SMILES

(August 2006)

 

Save me from this mess I got myself into because of you

Praise me for my silence cos if I screamed I’d be screaming at you

Help me to stop this descent that I’m falling down towards you

Curse me cos I couldn’t help it when I fell in love with you

 

 

Hold me, cos I can’t let go, must not let go, from this greased rope

Lay with me, just for one day, only one day, before I lose all hope

Carry me, with you always, for the rest of your days, inside those secret smiles of yours

 

 

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the consequences of being who I am

It’s plain to see that I have messed up everything I have

But it’s clear to me, when I see those secret eyes of yours I know I still can

Turn it around and pretend I never ran

FIND

(Winter 2002)

 

 

Lying here upon my bed

Drowning out the hurtful words you said

I don’t know if this is worth the pain

I don’t think we’ll ever be the same

But you will always be there

In my mind, good or bad

I hate the way your always there

Through everything I’ve had

 

 

You and me, forever, together

But now maybe I should go

And leave you, standing there, on your own

See if you can try and go and leave the past behind

To help you go…Find

 

 

Remembering us and what we used to be

Causes ghosts to haunt the faith in me

But eventually I’ll go on, move on and be strong

I hate the way I’ll always remember us together

SOUL TOWN

(Spring 2003)

 

 

Stranded in this, my town my soul

Not knowing which way to turn or go

The buildings are empty, a sickening shade of grey

The naked streets do not help, as I lose my way

 

 

There are no directions, no street signs bearing names

The roads are all routeless and lead all different ways

I’m trying to remember if I ever felt sane

Nothing will get clearer, if confusion reigns.

 

 

Nothing can help, prevent, restrain

The abandonment of life, the pain

This town is crying out, for purpose and goal

Charity begins at home, I have to start with my soul.

UNTITLED

(Autumn 2002)

 

 

Truth gets lost behind this face

You can’t guess the ache I’m living with

Three guesses involving confusion and dashed hope

Alone, with no choice but to live

With this hole inside my heart

I’m breaking down, falling apart

 

 

But you are there to help stop the pain

I’m beginning to see I’m not to blame

Things change with the seasons

And now I know

You’re my reason

 

 

I go on now knowing I care

About someone who helps me to be me

And live with this malfunctioning heart

I’m not afraid of falling apart

HIDDEN

(Summer 2002)

 

 

If you tried to feel what I feel

Could you handle it?

If you tried to see what I see

Would you run from it?

 

Like I do when I see you smiling back at me

Like I do when I feel your presence near me

 

 

I see you and I break down

When you smile, I frown

Because I love with you with pain inside

My heart forces my head to lie

You can’t know, won’t know

I am hidden

 

 

When you see me look at you

Is it obvious?

I feel my eyes betray the truth

Do you notice it?